Yesterday my husband made a comment to me about laundry. He had run out of clean uniforms and didn't know I had clean ones ready to be hung up. The words that he said weren't offensive to me but it was the tone and inflection of his voice and the look on his face. I was livid and went on a rampage about laundry and how if he'd fix the washing machine it wouldn't take me all day to do one load. I was angry!!
Later we both apologized. We don't like to stay mad long. But this little incident got me thinking. Josh has confronted me a few (okay,many) times about the way I speak. He calls it my delivery, and that if my delivery were a little more gentle then he would take the things I say much better. I know how it feels to be at the receiving end of a bad attitude and I can definitely dish it out with the best of them. This brought me to a question. Why do we save all our sweet and friendly words for people outside of our immediate family? If I am the only one who struggles with this please tell me how you manage. I know I don't pick on, yell at, criticize and talk down to my friends or people I meet out on a daily basis. What is the problem? Why do we so often hurt the ones we love the most? I sure could use some advice from all you bloggers out there. Please tell me I'm not the only one who struggles in this area.
Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
Journey Mom
- Jamie
- I am a mother of two sweet girls and a wild, precious little boy, born in Korea. A wife of an awesome husband who happens to be my best friend in the world. My goal in life is to be used by God to bring Him glory. I am on a journey through this life to do just that, only with His help.
6 comments:
Oh merch YES I struggle in this area! There must have been something in the air yesterday, because I found myself snapping at Jason some too. He made a comment to me that I took personally, and I snapped back. But it didn't stop there, because he then began to tease me, which made me even more mad, and I stewed for over an hour. Honestly, I truly didn't get over it until after bed time when we finally had a chance to talk things out. I think it's hard in this stage of life to always talk rationaly. We're often tired and busy and pulled in so many directions. It's good to be reminded that we need to speak sweeter. I think I need reminders more often than Jason, but he does need them sometimes too!
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! I think we have a "safety" zone at home that lets us relax. We know that we are safe with our husbands. But it doesn't make it right. Our home is where we need to be most encouraging and gentle. I am reminded of this DAILY!!
Shelley is so right. We are just in a hard stage of life where we are pulled in 1000 different directions.
Thankfully, we have awesome men that love us in spite of our ugly moods.
I totally have multiple personalities! At work I am a positive, assertive, optimistic lady. At home I am a raging hormonal maniac! :) At school I listen intently and only respond when I feel I have something to contribute. At home I have something to contribute about EVERYTHING and it's rarely a positive contribution.
Ugh. God has been convicting me big time in this area lately. I don't know why we choose to pick on the ones we love the most, but I wish I could stop. I wish the desire to say my peace would just exit the building once in awhile in favor of keeping the peace. You are certainly not alone. Unfortunately I don't have any great advice. It is something I have been taking to God and asking or help. I can't do it on my own...that's for sure!
Oh Jamie! I too struggle with this DAILY. I expect DJ to sugar coat EVERYTHING he has to say to me and to do it just "so" and if he doesn't then...well, it's HIS fault. I can turn things back on him and twist it back so even if something is truely MY FAULT, it will somehow be his. How horrible is that? I HATE how I do this to him (and honestly, the kids as well).
It does feel safe and I know he will not leave me...but how can a person put up with a LIFETIME of being bickered at??? DJ and I have had this conversation so many times...if I could give him just 1/4 of the kindness that I give to the person at the drive-thru...he'd be a happy man.
OUCH.
Aren't we supposed to have Christ in us? That behavior is not being Christlike at all. Oh how great it is to serve a wonderful Lord who is gracious enough to forgive us of our hatefulness at times. I daily have to ask God to put his hand over my mouth because it really gets me into trouble.
I find that If I'm able to really assess my life...and what I've taken on at the time...and if I'm able to take some of that "stuff" off my plate and put God and my family first, I'm able to re-focus for awhile and be a better wife...for a little while anyway! It's a cycle that I want to stop so baddly!
Hang in there...I'll be praying for you and you are by far NOT ALONE!
Oh boy. It's called "they're safe". I think we feel safe with our loved ones, like the fact that they aren't going anywhere and they aren't going to leave you, so you can unload all your junk on them. I have this same tendency and hate it when I do it to dear old hubby. I also would never treat my friends outside the home the way I can sometime treat my closest family members. I think being aware of this flaw that we as women can have is the first step in making small changes in our everyday attitudes. Blogging is a good form of therapy too, plus a good dose of prayer!
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